Rumorville - Hoboken Batman Considering Run for Hoboken Mayor in 2013

Rumorville - Hoboken Batman Considering Run for Hoboken Mayor in 2013

Hoboken's favorite caped crusader has been rumored as a possible candidate for Hoboken Mayor in 2013.  The Weehawken home owner who also has an address in northern Hoboken has been telling passersby that he is considering the run, citing the need for "more color and fun" inside city hall.  

An anonymous source whose job is to consider strengths in people within the political community has told Hoboken Green Pepper that she thinks Batman will get a lot of votes, and while he may not win, Batman could finish in 2nd or 3rd place given his popularity in town.  Our source said "While he doesn't really fit the bill, Batman would get a massive amount of votes simply because of who he is.  He has more lovers than haters and once the press picks up this story it is possible that it could be a nationally made story.  People in Hoboken that do not vote will now vote for him just because they like him.  Batman could take away votes from serious candidates or he could actually win, seems Hoboken is certainly split on who they really love and hate politically in town."

A call through a friend of a friend to Batman was not returned before this was wrote.  Could it be?  Hoboken Batman may be the next Hoboken Mayor?  What do you think people?

Rumorville - Hoboken to Introduce Ordinance Banning Strollers and Obnoxious Mothers

Rumorville - Hoboken to Introduce Ordinance Banning Strollers and Obnoxious Mothers

BREAKING NEWS

In what appears to be a long overdue necessity in Hoboken, the Hoboken Green Pepper has heard rumors from brass within Hoboken City Hall who wish to remain anonymous that an ordinance will be introduced next month to the city council members that will ban excessively wide strollers from city sidewalks and business and require parents to use longer strollers instead for their children.  The ordinance will also require stroller moms that are a combination of cranky, bitchy and obnoxious to have their mouths sealed with duct tape when roaming Hoboken.

Melissa O'Hara of Hoboken, who is single and without kids told the Hoboken Green Pepper "what a genius idea.  Too many mommies in Hoboken block the sidewalks with their insanely wide strollers and when I say something to get by, they give me that 'fuck you bitch' look and then sound off on how they're more important than me and how they're late for the puppet show at Symposium Book Store".  Jennifer Francis, a mother of two toddlers in Hoboken say "this is really stupid, I'm expecting twins in a month and it's not fair that my little ones will have to be lined up in a row, why should they not be allowed to look at each other?  I will be at the council meeting to say NO to this, granted my double wide even fits in the courtroom."

For years Hoboken residents have been up in arms over these extra wide strollers.  Residents have complained that these strollers block passage ways to local eateries and stores and that the mothers pushing these strollers always play the Dr. Phil card when confronted.  "A mother once got all bent out of shape when I asked her to move her stroller inside a Starbucks once" says Mike Jablonski, 39 of Hoboken.  "The mother got all upset, went on and on how she needs to be left alone, because she thinks her husband is cheating on her because his routine line of  'gotta stay late at the office again honey' keeps being repeated to her.  She then went on about how the lines at Kings aren't wide enough and they don't stock the correct diapers she demanded they order.  Her arms were flailing all over the place and she kept mumbling shit shit fuck fuck cock sucker under her breath, I was really scared for my life."

While this is just a rumor from a reliable source at this time, Hoboken Pepper would like to know froth reading public what you think of this possible ordinance and what penalties would you impose if this was enacted?  

Carlo's Bakery to Allow Those Performing Handstands Immediate Access to Bakery

August 8th 2012

Carlo's Bakery, which is well known around Hoboken for attracting tourists who wear jorts that will wait in line for 7 hours to eat a cookie has decided for the rest of the blistering summer to give those in line who do handstands for 10 minutes immediate access to the bakery, forgoing the long line that consists of primarily soccer moms from Ohio and their kids.

The line which usually bends around the parking lot at Observer highway has come under fire recently by neighboring business that have complained the long lines often block their storefronts and that obese children are routinely picking wedgies out of their rear ends in front of their shops.  To make the line shorter, the bakery has devised a promotion that guarantees people immediate entry for simply doing a handstand against a wall for 10 minutes straight.  In addition, if you stand on your head without using your hands for 30 minutes, patrons will get their polaroid pictures placed on the wall of the employee bathroom at the bakery and get 15% off any purchase.

Margaret Jones, a mother of 8 from Roanoke, VA said "what a great idea, my kids love being creative in general and this will be so much fun, I on the other hand have been eating Wendy's everyday for the last 14 years so standing on my hands will almost certainly make me shit myself"

The promotion which ends the day after Labor Day is already gaining traction, today the bakery has reported that 16 children accomplished the feat while 2 failed by passing out and and going in to massive seizures.  Patrons are welcomes to send pictures of themselves or video attempting this feat to Hoboken Green Pepper.  email address to use is hobokengreenpepper@gmail.com

Hoboken Reporter "FURIOUS" Over Residents Using Newspaper to Clean up Dog Crap

Hoboken, NJ 8-8-12
By Hank Goldman


Hoboken's only bi-weekly newspaper, the Hoboken Reporter may be cutting back on the plastic bags they use to house their newspapers after learning that over half the residents in town used them to pick up dog shit.  A source within the Reporter who wishes to remain anonymous said that staffers plan on not housing the newspaper in plastic any longer, thoughts of delivering it as is amongst other ideas have been brought up in meetings within the newspaper.

Sources have come forward to the Hoboken Bell Pepper and have told us that top brass at the newspaper for the last month have been hiding in trees and behind bushes watching people take the bags off the newspapers left on the stoops of residents and using them to Clean up after their dogs.  Last year, Hoboken, was ranked as the most dog friendly city in the United States.

The newspaper which appears to be fading fast due to an onslaught of local blogs and websites as well as elderly residents in Marine View Plaza  and Church Square Towers using the newspapers as gift wrap, may be heading to an online format only or may use staffers to pass them out to people that actually want them, which would amount to around 42 people.

Jim Kennedy, of Stargazer Marketing Group in Clifton, NJ said via phone interview that "this is a perfect time for the newspaper to hold a photo submission contest.  The newspaper used to ask residents to show the newspaper abroad while on vacation and would post pictures of residents holding the newspaper in the most exotic destinations.  Now, the newspaper could reach more readers by allowing residents to photograph the newspaper in one hand while holding the plastic sleeve full of dog shit in the other, timing is perfect for the struggling newspaper".

Calls to the newspaper for an interview were not returned.

End